WARNING - a downer

I feel like such a downer lately, posting all bad stuff, but this place is like my refuge and it's nice just being able to type it out.

I was reading through the paper work the dr sent home with me yesterday re: the auto-immune thing. 'an outbreak early in pregnancy has been associated with miscarriage' *cry*

I don't even have the words for all the thoughts and feelings going through my mind last night. It was almost a relief of sorts to have a 'why' for losing Ava, but at the same time it hurts.